Emboldened by the recent work of Jeremy Begbie, I’ve put my own science-spin on a subject completely orthogonal to science. Religion. And before you accuse me of blasphemy or dis-respect, I simply don’t recognise those beliefs as occupying such a privileged position in society that we can’t make fun of them.
Quantum Religion (QR) is a newly discovered phenomenon which helps us explain the existence of religion in the world. Contrary to the assertions of atheists, religion was not created by people, but is a fundamental entity in the universe, much like matter or energy. It can now be shown that energy, matter and religion are the ancient origin of our current holy trinity. Energy is the father – the source of all; matter is the son, and was born as the universe cooled, and religion is clearly the holy ghost – the spirit which pervades the universe and binds the father and son.
Our research also reveals that there is not a continuous variation in religiosity. Rather, religiosity is quantized, such that it cannot take any value, and in fact there is also a minimum value it can take, known as 1 Ratzi. ‘Belief’ then increments in Ratzis up to an infinite number of Ratzis, at which point, a person has become one with God.
Religious quanta (RQ, also known as morons) also exhibit the familiar wave/particle duality, and can exist as a religious probability distribution on both the micro and macro scales. This is easily tested by isolating streams of RQ in church setting, and firing them through parallel slits. The resulting interference pattern shows us the intensity of religion as a series of concentric circles, with the first circle, or fundamental frequency being most prominent, and followed by less obvious religious ripples in space, radiating outwards. This then explains the common depiction in religious iconography of Jesus and sundry saints with halos around their heads. These so-called halos are in fact the fundamental frequency of the RQ being emitted by the entity. The more prominent this fundamental, the higher the religious intensity of the source being; hence, Jesus is typically shown with the most intense halo.
Far from needing to explain religious beliefs to atheists, we are now in a position to explain the existence of atheism from fundamental principles. It is no accident that people ‘observe faith’. This is in fact a historical nod to the fundamental physical principle that in order to realise the potential intensity of RQ in a being, one must observe it. As we know, observing a quantum system has the effect causing the wave function to collapse. In this case, the religious probability wave function collapses, hence turning the potential religiosity into actual religiosity.
We can now deduce that an atheist is a human in which the religious wave function has yet to be collapsed by its owner observing it. That is, the being can be said to be both believing and non-believing, until he/she has a good, long hard look at themselves. This act of introspection then collapses the religious probability wave function, resulting in the intended natural state of believing. Why is it the natural state? Because not all states are of equal probability. The religious probability wave function is skewed by nature to favour collapse into the religious state. We can deduce this by observing that atheists are naturally all in a highly agitated, maximum energy state, and that this is ultimately destructive and unsustainable. Evolution has favoured beings with lower energy states, since they are more likely to survive and procreate. Therefore religion must be the favoured state of the universe.
And so, we now have a workable theory, in the scientific sense of the word, and of course we are now able to test it and make predictions, as would be required by the standard scientific method.
Drawing on the physical quantum world for a test scenario, we can now postulate an ‘action at a distance’ – a notion that Einstein himself considered ‘spooky’ when applied to the material world. Our theory predicts that such a mechanism should exist. And so it does – prayer. The very communication channel with God is facilitated by QR. This helps us to now explain how the prayers of all beings can be heard, since each instantaneous communication takes zero time (by definition). But how are the prayers processed you ask. This is by the straightforward application of religious quantum computing, on a massively parallel basis.
Other phenomena can also now be explained by QR – for example, miracles. This is nothing more than spontaneous instantiation from the quantum religion foam, which exists as a religious probability field permeating space. This now presents a straightforward mathematical framework for the trans-substantiation at the very least; a framework which is also consistent with standard M-theory.
In one of the most important outcomes of this research, it is now likely that the current theoretical and practical problems associated with M-theory will be resolved by the application of religious probability field theory, by postulating the extension of the 11-dimensional model to incorporate a 12th dimension, the religious density field. We now have R-theory, which has finally provided the universe with the theory of everything.
As with the discovery of any elegant solution to a mystery, we find that the resultant theory presents a persuasive description of our knowledge of the world, which in turn affirms for us the validity of the model. So it is in this case, as we realise the significance of the number 12 in all things religious. In fact, the significance of the 12 disciples is not in the literal understanding of their role in religion; rather, it is simply a signalling backward in time, enabled by the observation of the truth of the existence of the 12th dimension, and the resulting collapse of the cosmic religious probability field which has spanned the universe from inception.